Opening the Heart

The heart is a weird and wonderfully mysterious place, and it is one that many of us mull over when it comes to our relationships.  It is a place that perplexes us, as we cannot seem to understand it.

This is because it is a space of ‘feeling’, and in this day and age, when our world is being designed in a way that requires mostly our heads, this heart ‘space’ seems particularly foreign.  This disconnect from our heart space dramatically affects our relationships.

In our relationships we act in one of two ways:  out of love, or out of fear.

Fear, is the bastard that most limits our growth, for when we live in fear we tend to stunt any progress in our spiritual evolution.  Fear generates destructive feelings in a relationship, such as greed, jealously or anxiety.  Acting out of Love, however, nurtures our relationships, and we are able to express kindness, in compassion, loyalty and generosity of spirit.

Feelings that we experience in our relationships can teach us a lot about ourselves – our fears, and our ‘go to’ behavioural patterns.  When we begin to understand why we behave in a certain way, we can begin to reassess our reactions and align our behaviours to ‘who we wish to be’.

Acknowledging and facing our fears calls for bravery and consistent work, and allows us to go deep within ourselves, guiding us along our spiritual path.


If we do not face these fears or begin to implement change, we will forever attract the same sort of relationships, or be stuck in an existing relationship with the same issues: an unfulfilling sex life, a feeling of stagnation, boredom, constant arguing, or the need to control our partner etc.

Often we face a dilemma of wanting to open our hearts to the possibility of love, of being loved and of loving someone else, but our fears act as stubborn walls that do not allow us to break them down.

These walls are accompanied by self-multilating phrases such as:

“I’m not good enough,”

“I don’t deserve love”

“(S)he’s too good for me”

“I’m not ready”

“I am strong on my own”

Know this: We are all worthy of love. The trouble is, we ‘say’ these phrases so often that we actually believe we are in fact unworthy of love! A simple glance in the mirror, telling ourselves that we are too fat, too ugly, not built enough, not tanned enough, reiterates that we believe we are not worthy of attention or affection from anyone, including ourselves, until we look a certain way. What a lot of pressure!

This self-mutilation is hurtful and it’s no wonder that our spirit vacates our body.  For who would wish to live in a place where self-love was not welcome?

This poor self image that we have is negative energy that we have held onto from horrid past experiences: comments that stung when we were a teenager, hurtful relationships, an unhealthy upbringing, pressure at school, abuse and other such painful experiences.  This is hard stuff to let go of.  We tend to close off because we don’t want to experience that pain or vulnerability ever again.  And damn right! No one wants to be hurt.

The truth is – we hurt ourselves more by holding onto that ‘stuff’, and closing our hearts than we do by doing to work to let it go, and release it from our energy fields for good.

Here’s the thing: each and every one of us is a beautiful, spiritual being, worthy of all the love we wish to receive.  So all we have to do is the work to ensure that we experience love in all its wonder and beauty.

Forrest Yoga has taught me a lot about when and why I close my heart, and it is taking a lot of honest work to change my behavioural patterns – but my relationship has never felt more alive.

I realized that I was not only limiting the amount of love I was giving out, but I was severely limiting the amount of love that I allowed in.  This limiting action reinforced the idea that I did not deserve to be loved. The more I allowed myself to be honest with myself AND MY PARTNER about my fears, the more I was able to release my need to control, and surrender to the beauty of love.

Opening a shut heart takes work and dedication – and the longer you leave it, the more stale and stagnant the energy in the heart becomes.

Let go of the thoughts that dim your heart, and fill it instead with breath, compassion, love, and generosity of spirit.  Do this every morning when you wake up – simply breathe these qualities into your heart.  During those times when you most wish to shut down, or numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, mindless browsing or entertainment, ask yourself why you are wishing to do so, and what fear is ruling you.  Listen closely for the answer, and do something that serves your Spirit instead.   Show yourself love– because shutting down does not.

When in doubt:

Place your hand on your heart.


Feel and listen.


We are all worthy of Love.

All we have to do is believe it, breathe it, and bring that into our daily lives.